Simon's Cat 'Cat Man Do'

Whack-A-Kitty

Rules for Cats

DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is acceptable. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.

BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit and stare.